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Trace

I lost my mother when I was 16, an age I really needed her. It made me self conscious because kids at school wouldn’t know how to talk to me about it, so some of my “friends” distanced themselves. 

When I was 19, I gave birth to a still born daughter and I realized that because I was adopted as a baby, I needed to try and get access to my medical background. I found out that my biological mother was registered and she would like to meet me. I went on to meet my biological parents and half-siblings. 

Move forward a few more years, and I lost 5 more babies and have had several surgeries and procedures to try and figure out what was “wrong” with me and to try to correct things, almost losing my life a few times in the process. 

I have one surviving child (he’s 15) who was born at 29 weeks gestation, after almost losing him as well. 

It was my dream to have a house full of children but 2 years ago a specialist told me that there is no way I would ever have more children. That was a tough pill to swallow. I still struggle with it. 

In all these years my weight really fluctuated and I just got heavier and very self conscious. 

In 2018, I stepped on a scale and saw a number that I would have never expected to see. At that moment, I vowed to myself that I’d never see that number again. Not because I was ashamed of it, but because I knew that it was not healthy for me and I did not want my son to also have to grow up without a mother.

I turned 40 this summer, and with that I was officially diagnosed with having severe ADHD. So I am working on it with coping methods and medication, and encouraging others who may also have ADHD. They may feel ashamed of it, rather than realizing that we can use our situation to help others. 

I bought a gym membership and completely changed my life style. I don’t drink AT ALL, I go to bed early, I wake up early and I try to eat healthier. Doing CrossFit with a trainer has completely changed my life. I am not skinny, nor is that my goal. But I am healthy! And setting a good example for my son. 

I see the body as an art work (maybe it helps that I’m almost completely covered in tattoos?) and I am confident in my own skin.